Since I started this site a few months ago I have tried to keep it light and fun. I have left most of the serious stuff up to other sites. I prefer to make people laugh and I love making friends. But the time has come when I have to speak up on one of the more seroius subjects! You see, laughter does not come easy to me. It never has. I can make others laugh with great ease by cracking my jokes but for me it is next to impossible. I smile but it is empty because there is no humor there.

 

The reason for this is that I suffer from a illness, a rather serious illness. It is a mental illness called Bipolar Disorder or in layman's terms Manic Depression. I am sure that a lot of you have heard both of these names spoken of once or twice in their lives. I know I did even before I found out that I had this illness. But for those of you who do not know what it is I will give you a short outline!

 

Bipolar Disorder or Manic Depression is a brain disorder. It causes unusual mood swings, shifts in energy and also interferes with the ability to function. Now I know that you are saying that everyone has mood swings but for anyone who has Bipolar Disorder the symptoms of these ups and downs are severe. When this illness presents itself the person suffering from it will either be in a major depressive episode or a degree of a manic episode. There are three cycles to this illness:

 

Depression: This is when a person feels sad all time. He or she will display a loss of interest and pleasure in activities that they enjoyed at one time. There can be an extensive loss or gaining of weight and have trouble  sleeping or sleeping to much.  He or she may shows signs of agitation or physical slowing. There will be a loss of energy, feelings of unfounded guilt and worthlessness, and a difficulity in concentration and thinking. THe final sign is that there are constant thoughts of death or suicide.

 

Mania: In this cycle a person can have an abnormally and persistent high mood which become more and more elevated or can become extremely irritable and has at least three of the following symptoms with it; an over-inflated self-esteem; a decreased need to sleep, excessive talkativeness, thoughts that are always racing, being easily distracted, increased goal-directed activity such as shopping, physical agitation and  involving yourself in risky behaviors and activities.

 

 

This piece that I found, while I was doing research, from a patient that has Bipolar Disorder explains it well:

 

 

 

The ending results can ruin relationships, cause poor job and/or school performance and sometimes can even end in suicide as it takes away the will to live. The good news is that those of us who have Bipolar Disorder can be treated and are able to lead full productive lives.  The bad news is that Bipolar Disorder is compared with such illnesses as heart disease and diabetes whereas it is a long term illness and removal of medication can result in death. While Bipolar Disorder can be treated effectively it must be understood that there is no cure and staying on treatment will keep the illness under control and reduces the chances of recurring and worsening episodes even during well times.

 

There are other illnesses that can co-occur with Bipolar Disorder. One of the most common is alcohol and drug abuse (that one I managed to avoid)and others which I was not so lucky to avoid. Some of those are Anxiety disorders such as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, Social Anxiety Disorder, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

 

The reason that I have gone into such detail explaining this illness I have is because people don't understand. I have had to be hospitalized  because of this illness a couple of times. I have even attempted suicide. I am not proud of the fact but I and people like me do not need to be treated as if we belong in the loonie bin. I went back to school after I started treatment and I was in the top of my class and was even asked to tutor some of my fellow students. People tend to treat me as you would a child, as if I am unable to care for my self. I had one person who was suppose to be a friend of mine who would constantly call the police and hospital telling them that I was suicidal and was going to kill my self.  For almost a year I had cops and ambulances always knocking at my door wanting to make sure I was alright or trying to haul me off to the hospital. Another time I was helping out a friend who was doing personal care work. It just so happened that the woman was the mother-in-law of one of my step-father's sisters. Dad's sister told the woman the I had been in the mental ward and she came out sceaming at me to get away from her mother! She didn't want a crazy person caring for her mother, who knows what would happen. Maybe I would murder her mother. Sorry folks, I am not crazy or insane. I am not a murderer, I am not violent in any way, shape or form. The only person I have ever hurt was myself and even then I blotched the job as I am here writing this.

 

Just as with most serious illnesses it has been hardest on my family and friends. They have had to cope with the serious behavioral problems that I have had, when I was in the depression cycle I would withdraw away from them and wouldn't speak to anyone for weeks on end. I know I have hurt them very deeply and for that I am deeply ashamed. My psychiatrist has tried to tell me that it is not my fault because this illness is a chemical imbalance. One that is controlled with medications called mood stabilizers which I will have to take for the rest of my life. Even with my medication I still have mild episodes and so I have addional meds added but these smaller episodes are easier to control. I still have depression from time to time but it is much easier to handle.

 

So if you meet someone who has been told he or she has Bipolar Disorder please treat them kindly but do not treat them as if they are different from everyone else. More than likely they are recieving treatment and their illness like mine is controlled. They will be monitored just as closely as I am and can live a normal life if you let them. This is why I wrote this piece because the trouble with people is that they don't understand! I hope this blog helps someone to understand because understanding a problem is half the battle!

  

Thank you,

Kitty.

 

 

 

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A friend of mine upon seeing that I was so depressed gave me this hoping that it will help me feel better. It did!